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About the
Authors
Learn more about the fascinating women who wrote Finding Your
Voice and discover why they wanted to write such a book.
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Finding Your Voice: Chapter One |
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| The New Oppression |
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If all is
achievable, if no one and nothing is any longer holding a woman back,
then it is entirely up to her to feel satisfied. When she feels less than
satisfied, she assumes it must be her fault and quietly berates herself for
her mistakes. She looks beyond herself to the handful of women who seem to
have pulled it all together and gotten it right. Then she wonders what’s
wrong with her.
Today’s
woman is encouraged to believe:
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Managing money is a good thing.
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Being a career woman is a good thing.
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Repairing your own leaky faucet is a good
thing.
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To herself,
she may be saying: “Thinking about investments makes me break out in a cold
sweat.” “I really would like to just stay home and cook.” “I expect him
to take care of the faucet, and it infuriates me when he can’t or won’t.”
If all is
permissible, if a woman has the power to shape her life and control her
destiny, then happiness should be the outcome. When she’s not happy, she
wonders what’s wrong with her.
Today’s
woman is encouraged to believe:
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It’s okay to be single.
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It’s okay to be overweight—in fact, come
right out and call it fat!
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It’s okay to stay home with the kids.
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It’s okay to have a different color skin and
different hair from the people around you.
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It’s okay to wear clothes that reflect your
ethnic background, even though it makes you stand
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out or invites comments.
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To herself,
she may be saying: “But I’m terribly lonely.” “But I hate my fat body, and I
can’t stand looking at myself.” “But I feel as if I’m lacking in ambition
and I get defensive around people who are ‘out there’ in the world.” “But I
fear that people won’t understand my culture, and think I’m so different
they won’t want to be with me.”
As
psychologists, we ask: If the freedom to do and/or be has created an
increased level of psychological health (call it self-assurance, confidence,
or contentment), why do so many competent women suspect they’re not doing
very well at all? The fact is, while it may look like a woman’s world
has undergone a sea change, many of the stumbling blocks are still as true
as ever, if perhaps somewhat camouflaged and disguised.
Apparent
progress notwithstanding, external obstacles or societal attitudes still
limit our possibilities or make us unsettled about our choices. Internal
barriers still hinder us.
Complicating
the picture, interpersonal developments in our puzzling new world—including
the fragility of the couple, the blurring of sexual attitudes, the changing
nature of the parent-child relationship—leave us without a sure relational
compass.
We’ve been
riding the wave of feminism for thirty-five years—and we’re still confused.
The old oppression, as defined by Betty Friedan and railed against by a
cadre of determined women who marched on matters ranging from forced
sterilization to job equity, was clear and tangible. There was much on which
to hang our hats and enable us to conclude: “I can’t get to where I want to
be, because society won’t let me because I’m not a man.” Today, we live with
the new oppression and its consequences: “I can succeed, I can even have it
all (everybody tells me). But in my heart of hearts I don’t feel like I’m
succeeding at much of anything and I certainly don’t have it all, so what’s
wrong with me?”
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Finding
Your voice...
A Woman's Guide
to Using Self Talk For Fulfilling Relationships, Work, and Life.
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